Alex is the Redlands East Valley High School chief executive officer and managing publisher for Ethic News.

BY ALEX VERDUZCO

Today is my birthday. In exactly two weeks I will be officially 18 and graduated, ready to welcome in a new chapter of my life. As I reflect on my high school years and peer into adulthood, I feel at ease with my current state. I humbly accept my past, including every experience–both negative and positive–that has molded me into the woman I am today. I also welcome every new opportunity for laughter and tears that awaits me as I leave behind my childhood. To wistfully reflect upon the memories, but in feeling secure that I will never relive them again, for better or for worse.

Last year, I compiled a list of the 17 most important lessons that I had learned up until the measurement of my 17 years of breath. The reflections were mostly a result of the healing process I underwent in resolving issues with my own personal mental health. As a writer, my healing flourished as I placed my vulnerability online, opening up to a public forum. Challenging my boundaries as I pushed past and wrote a few controversial ones on the topic of feminism. 

Thinking nothing of it, I wrote “What it means to be a woman” and submitted it as part of my application to be the Chief Executive Officer of Ethic News. I was ecstatic upon receiving the message that I had been awarded the position, while in the DMV waiting room also anticipating good news. Later, I submitted it to the Quill & Scroll contest as a class assignment. Thinking nothing of it, my advisor had informed me that it had received honorable mention throughout global entries. 

When applying to colleges, I applied to half of the UC universities wanting to stay somewhat close to home. UC Irvine had always been my dream college, and when I opened the email at work I was overwhelmed with joy. Admission into their biological science program had every customer and coworker wondering why my plastered smile couldn’t seem to move throughout the rest of my shift.

Through these accomplishments, I have realized that everything I want is within my reach. A hard worker, merit handed me these opportunities to appreciate my growth and potential.

This year, my struggles were not of mental health but of navigating friendships and relationships. Though I lost the backbone of my support structure, I regained something far more important. I had reconnected with myself once again. During these connections I had noticed that I was slowly deteriorating, though I ignored it in hopes of keeping the friendships thriving. 

People are unlike puzzle pieces. Some fateful attraction of the universe or aligning of stars will bring us together as we walk alongside one another on our own personal journeys. After some time, our paths diverge and we are not meant to be near each other after that. In some instances I have found that the most intense of bonds generally end in the most brutal detachments. The normalcy in this is the necessity of companionship as humans are meant to live in community. But when our own plans misalign, there is an insatiable pull that manifests on your terms. However, the naivety of forcing the connection to remain can ultimately damage the relationship, causing catastrophic pain. But you will survive.

My failed experiences are not who I am. As I’ve spent more time reconciling with myself, I have found far more interesting things than the majority will ever be able to scratch the surface of. For that I am grateful, because there shouldn’t be any shame in solitude. Instead, the stigma surrounding loneliness should be disregarded due to the fact that as I have distanced myself from unwanted situations and the people associated with them, I have always been okay with being alone. 

Sometimes we throw school, sports, and friendships into the crater of our soul in hopes of filling what we lack. But true peace is granted through taking time to evaluate yourself and reflect on your aspirations. Especially emerging into young adults, we must take into account the pathways we must uptake and continue to nourish our passions, rather than silence and compromise them for temporary happiness.

 Buried in my heart are the truths of each scenario, as I will continue to blossom through womanhood. Both pleasant and unpleasant, to better equip me with a well-rounded human experience.

Ending this stream of consciousness, I must make note that I believe this is everyone’s first time living. Just as I am navigating the world, so are they. As I mature, I could never hold somebody accountable for their teenaged actions. Likewise, I hope that the same grace be extended to me as I am accountable for my doings as well. These past experiences have proved beneficial in guiding me to where Life intends me to be and her meticulous innerworkings. Though painful, Life has sifted through and stripped the people and situations out of my reach so that she can offer me something more grand and fitting for me in this instance.

A control freak, this year I have ultimately learned to live in the moment. Appreciate what I have, because the next day is not promised with the same people, or in the same circumstances. To let Life take control and not fight her insistence or question her reasoning, but rather to accept, let go and pursue the wildest of my ambitions. At every point in time, what is meant for me will undoubtedly find me despite any restrictions. What isn’t written in the stars will ultimately be taken from me, with or without my consent. With this I feel at peace.

As one of my final columns, I have nothing but immense gratitude and appreciation for the outlet that has been provided for me during two drastically different years of my life. A passionate and vocal student, I have found my voice as not only a writer–but as a member of society. Though bittersweet in detaching from the main thing I sought comfort in, my experience as a writer has been extraordinarily pivotal in the shaping of my being. Nothing but love for the journal entries my pieces encapsulate, as a piece of my heart will always be immortalized in my high school articles, serving as a time capsule of who I am today and how I will be remembered in the past.

Featured image: Original artwork featuring childhood photos created on Picsart (ALEX VERDUZCO/ Ethic News Photo)