Friday Fight Night: The Avengers v. Tao Tei

By AZRIEL OLMEDO

Photo made using FlamingText, a logo design and name generator (Azriel Olmedo / Ethic News).

Note: This particular fight will include spoilers for “The Great Wall,” starring Matt Damon, which was released in 2016. If you would like to fully understand the serious threat that the Avengers will be dealing with, consider watching the film before reading. Regardless, this will refer to both the comics and films for the Avengers prior to “Avengers: Endgame.”

The Avengers have always been known as Earth’s mightiest heroes. Whether it’s a Chitauri invasion, an angry robot overlord, or even the Mad Titan himself, the Avengers will be there. Fighting large, seemingly infinite waves of opponents is something the Avengers deal with on a regular basis.

“The Great Wall” is set in ancient China. A mountain located across from the Great Wall harbors fearsome creatures that are determined to cross the ever-stretching wall to satisfy their hunger and bring food to their Queen. Initially, there are over a million of them, maybe even more. As an act of retaliation, the Nameless Order, which protects the Great Wall from these savage beasts, has strategized and planned their defenses for years.

As described by Vox News, the Tao Tei are a combination between “bloodthirsty leopards, lizard-like dragons, and piranhas.” They are ruthless, cunning and hungry. The Nameless Order is made up of different classes of soldiers in order to fight the Tao Tei. The red soldiers are archers, the blue soldiers are women soldiers, the yellow soldiers are artillery and the black soldiers are the melee troops.

In contrast to ancient China’s choice of weaponry, the Avengers are armed with highly-advanced technology. Despite that, the Avengers are still at risk of losing their lives.

Note: This list will place the Avengers into two categories: those who survive and those who do not. 

Survives: Iron Man

Over the years, Stark has upgraded his armor with only the best of the best. Most of his suits carry missiles, guns, laser beams, energy blades and pulsar blasts. His strategic intelligence and overall destructive capabilities will allow him to survive this invasion.

Dies: Captain America

No amounts of super-soldier serum is enough for an army of bloodthirsty aliens. It’s true that he could hold his own against Ultron’s infinite waves of robots and Loki’s Chitauri army, but those adversaries lacked the violent bloodthirsty nature of the Tao Tei. While Captain America’s shield is very powerful, it would prove useless against creatures who are highly-intelligent and merciless.

Survives: Hulk (Before merging with Bruce Banner)

Hulk’s power increases as long as his rage is left unchecked. His superhuman strength, speed and durability is sure to cause the Queen of the Tao Tei to worry for her own safety. While the Tao Tei run towards the wall for their next meal, the Queen is protected by bigger, armored Tao Tei that are similar in size as the Hulk. 

The armored Tao Tei could guard their Queen against tons of metal projectiles surrounded with fire and spikes. It would be quite entertaining to see how the Hulk decides to deal with the Queen’s personal protectors.

Dies: Black Widow

As good as she is, she is still just an assassin. Natasha does have the option to fly the Quinjet and fight from above, but if she engages in hand-to-hand combat, she will meet her doom against the Tao Tei. Many specialized soldiers from the Nameless Order could not stand a chance against a Tao Tei in close range. 

However, Natasha does have a small gun that stuns enemies with paralysis as seen in “Captain America: Civil War.” Despite that, who knows how many she has in store.

Survives: Hawkeye

As strange as it is, Hawkeye would prevail against the Tao Tei. In the film, Matt Damon played the role of William Garin, who defeated his enemies in quick succession using a bow and arrow. Along with his quick-thinking and combat skills, William was able to hold his own and spectacularly beat the Queen. 

Hawkeye definitely has more training with his bow, and has dealt with opponents way beyond his pay rate. However, many would argue that Hawkeye would run out of ammunition during the battle. As William did, Hawkeye could salvage arrows from the battle, and resupply from the Nameless Order’s immense inventory of specialized arrows.

Survives: Spiderman

Spiderman’s webs are extremely sticky. Knowing him, he would try his best to create a system of transportation around the Great Wall. In contrast to swinging around New York City, Spiderman would have a lot of trouble getting around. Once he finds a good area, he could create a barrier of webs for the Tao Tei to get stuck. 

In addition, Spiderman has incredible reflexes and his iconic “Spider-Sense.” If a Tao Tei manages to find him, he could hold his own and trap the beasts until help arrives.

Survives: Thor (Before the weight gain)

The Tao Tei stand no chance against Thor, despite their numbers. His shocking arrival in Wakanda in “Avengers: Infinity War” is proof that he has the power to annihilate the Tao Tei on his own.

Dies: Black Panther

For generations, the Black Panther was gifted with extraordinary abilities. Sadly, those abilities prove ineffective against the Tao Tei. Similar to Black Widow, Black Panther is an assassin. Although his armor has the ability to absorb kinetic energy and release it at large amounts. Even so, the Black Panther would fall due to the violent and overwhelming force of the Tao Tei, especially since he too fights at close range.

Survives: Ant Man

Ant Man’s size manipulation is a powerful tool that the Avengers could utilize. In “Avengers: Endgame,” Ant Man is seen squashing Thanos’ army when he grows larger in size. Against the Tao Tei, Ant Man could either serve as a distraction or a juggernaut. He would also be very useful in helping the Hulk dispose of the Queen’s armored guards. 

Now that some statistics have been given, the question is yet to be answered; Who would win in a war between the Tao Tei and the Avengers? What other Avengers can you think of that would live to see another day or die trying? In this alternate reality, the Avengers fought against the Tao Tei instead of Thanos, and it was just as exciting as the successful cinematic release of “Avengers: Endgame.”

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